i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All the doctor said was why
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Never joke about your clitoris.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
