my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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