So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
