One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize