Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
