great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
