Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize