Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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