AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize