wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
