He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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