Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
