she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
