Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
