I accidentally had phone sex last night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize