I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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