I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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