the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
