A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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