I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
