Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
