When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
