had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
