May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
