If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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