some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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