id be glad to
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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