The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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