i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Shitshow foam night was such a success
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
