Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
