I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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