Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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