My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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