what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
