apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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