When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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