About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
