it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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