well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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