Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
