ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Drunk is not a location!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
