Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
