It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
