Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
These tits shall not be calmed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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