Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I yelled at your uterus for you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
