So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
