I'm going to jail i love you
I think I died a long time ago.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
