she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
