so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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