Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
