I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
