They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
