I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
