Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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