I must be too annoying 4 u.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
