As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
