we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
