Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
