"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
