Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
