Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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