Umm I'm too high to move.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
