I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
