Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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