You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
