Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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