i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
