I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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