i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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