Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
