'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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