I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
