Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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