Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
