u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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